| |
Running out of jokes?...What did the Collingwood player say to the prostitute?
I do.
Football Tipping Round Twelve...Dalts continues his superb run of tipping with seven winners and leds by five. Faye Mackinder was the only person to pick eight winners.
Just another one...A Collingwood supporter went down to Centrelink to claim welfare after realising she was the only one of her friends - (who were all Collingwood supporters) - who was not on benefits.
"How many children do you have?" the man at Centrelink asked.
"Ten," she replied.
"What are their names?"
"Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn and Jaidyn," she replied.
"They're all named Jaidyn?" he asked "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?"
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'Jaidyn,' and they all come running in."
"And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?"
"I just say, 'Jaidyn, come eat your dinner'," she answered.
"But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked.
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name."
Football Tipping Round eleven...Dalts still leading, Peter Butcher, Jarrod Churchill, Tom Whittaker, Faye Mackinder, Col Butcher and Della all picked eight winners this week.
Can you relate to this any DAY?...You know you're a Collingwood supporter when:
1. A Halloween pumpkin has more teeth than your wife does.
2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front ofher kids.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. Jack Daniel's makes your list of 'most admired people.'
5. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family once died right after saying: 'Hey, watchthis.'
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. A ceiling fan once ruined your wife's hairdo.
9. You think the last words of Advance Australia Fair are: 'Carn theMaggies .'
10. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded, right off itswheels.
11. The market value of your car goes up and down, depending on how much petrolis in it.
12. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
13. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
14. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
15. You think 'loaded dishwasher' means your wife is drunk.
16. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
17. Your front verandah collapses and kills more than five dogs.
Football Tipping Round Ten...Dalts is out to a four tip lead and the only person drinking free beer this week is Glen Birt who must barrack for the Tigers..
Breaking News...Australia Post has had to recall their latest stamps, they had pictures of Collingwood players on them and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
Football Tipping Round Nine...Dalts still leading, Graeme Williams, Katie Glen, Gumpy and Kath Collins all picked eight winners this week.
True story...A mortician had a new apprentice who was learning the embalming ropes.
He walked into the embalming room where a corpse was lying on the table. Thinking he knew enough now to begin the procedure without his boss, he began examining the body. He rolled it over and to his amazement there was a cork in its arse.
Mystified, he pulled it out, and immediately heard; "Good old Collingwood forever......." come out the guys butt.
Startled by what had happened, he shoved the cork back into the corpse and ran up the stairs to find his mentor; "Sir, you've got to come down and help me, I've just seen something I can't believe."
Annoyed by the naivety of his assistant, he said OK and followed him downstairs; "There, look at the cork in the arse of that body, I couldn't imagine what it was doing there so I pulled it out. Please you do it."
The mortician was a bit surprised to see the cork, too, so he walked to the table and removed the cork, and sure enough:- "Good old Collingwood forever...." began to play.
Exasperated, he replaced the cork in its appointed position, turned to his assistant and said: "What's so surprising about that? I've heard thousands of arseholes sing that song.".
Football Tipping Round Eight...Great to see Collingwood got beaten again, OH DEAR TIM AND TOM. Not so good to see the following people drinking four free pots this week, Simon Baddeley ,
Wayne Dalton,
Barry Thomas,
Mark Ibrahim,
"Snowie" Bindley,
Steve Lindsay,
Fergie,
Tom Kennedy,
Rob Brown,
Scott McCall,
Victor Butler,
Nigger,
Christine Zanella,
Nick Williams,
Col Butcher,
Ken Cuman,
Colin Bolding,
Tom Whittaker,
Kale Glen,
Ella Angarane,
Mick Wright,
Nigel Coutts,
Kerry McCall,
Mary Butcher,
Jodi Moresco,
Ron Salau, Richard Sully and Leigh Earl. Hope they all choke on their beer. Spider still leading
Football Tipping Round Seven...Great to see Collingwood got beaten again, OH DEAR TIM. Also good that nobody picked eight, Spider is out to a 2 tip lead, pretty sure he will choke.
Football Tipping Round Six...Four tipsters picked eight winners this week, Ken Cuman, Jason Smith, Ella Angarane and Joey Smith. Obviously Jason has copied Ella's tips again. Spider is still leading.
Football Tipping Round Five...Mel Zanella picked seven winners this week proving that she knows nothing about football, Spider Dalton still leads by one with a group catching fast.
Football Tipping Round Four...Five people picked six winners this week including our leader Wayne "spider" Dalton. Our worst was Michelle Maloney with one winner.
Football Tipping Round Three...Shane bertacco picked the card this week, great effort. Three tipsters could only manage three winners, they were Kev Martin, Annie Gage and Tom Hamilton.
Football Tipping Round Two...No eights this week, best tippers were the home sides with seven, worst tips were from Woodsy.
Football Tipping Round One...Welcome back to our footy tipping competition for 2009. Round one. Only person who picked eight winners this week was nigger, good start for the pub this week.
Football Tipping Starting Soon...2009 football tipping starts on Thursday March 26th, anybody wishing to join should contact Aaron on (03) 5672 1002. $10 entry, four free pots of beer for picking eight winners.
|
